Chapter 187. Welcome, It’s Your First Time Debuting, Right? (4)
Lee Doha had lost the most powerful means of appealing himself to the group *Kairos*.
And the aftermath was greater than anyone could have imagined.
“Doha hyung! That’s a foam cleanser! It’s not toothpaste…!”
“Oh.”
Lee Doha had lost his grip on reality.
It seemed that his song being rejected had shocked him considerably.
‘If only it had been kept as a candidate, it wouldn’t have been so bad….’
Once it was revealed that *Deon* was actually Lee Doha, neither the company nor the members could hide their shock.
The song that Lee Doha had submitted under the name *Deon* was ultimately rejected because it was deemed “too difficult to highlight the members’ strengths.”
This meant that we would never have the chance to perform that song. The company even considered giving the song to *Enderway*, who was scheduled to make a comeback after us. That said it all.
‘I couldn’t argue since I felt the same way.’
The song was perfect in terms of completion, reflecting the effort Lee Doha had put into it. But somehow, none of us could imagine singing it.
For one, I couldn’t even figure out which part of the song to hum.
“Don’t swallow it! Ack, hyung, spit it out!”
…It was a mess.
As I listened to Joo Eunchan’s shrieks from the bathroom, Jung Siwoo and I exchanged glances in the living room.
‘What do we do?’
‘I have no idea.’
We recognized the severity of the situation, but we had no solution!
Damn it, this is my first debut, too. And to top it off, this was the first time across all timelines that a member had lost his mind because his own song got rejected before debut!
‘What should we do?’
There wasn’t much time left until we had to record the debut song, and there were countless schedules ahead of us. Moreover, once the choreography for the debut song was released, Lee Doha’s mental state would undoubtedly collapse into an abyss. We had to pull him out of this funk as soon as possible.
Sitting side by side on the living room sofa, I turned to Jung Siwoo with a serious expression and asked quietly.
“Hyung, do you have any ideas? We can’t just leave Lee Doha like this.”
“He’s not only shocked that his own song was rejected but also because it was dismissed for not representing the members well. This might be the first time Doha’s received such feedback… Since joining *Miro*, he’s only ever been praised for his composition work.”
“Is it like getting an F in your major when you’ve always received A+ grades?”
“Yeah, something like that… And it comes with a one-liner saying he didn’t understand the major at all.”
An F would at least allow him to retake the class, but I doubt that would offer any comfort here.
“We have no choice.”
Jung Siwoo stood up with a resolute expression. With his hand resting on his hip, he looked like the crown prince of an empire who had just thought of a brilliant plan to save Earth from the attack of cosmic monsters….
‘Damn it, stop fantasizing.’
My old self, who used to edit idol content as a PD, was resurfacing….
Anyway, Jung Siwoo, with a grave and serious expression, looked down at me and said.
“Let’s call for help.”
“…From whom?”
“From an expert.”
“An expert?”
Which expert?
Despite my disbelief, Jung Siwoo’s eyes sparkled with clarity and purity.
* * *
“So, I’m the expert you were talking about?”
He actually exists.
I nodded fervently toward the precious expert who would solve our problem.
“Please help us, sunbae-nim. Or rather, teacher. Our kid is in shock from heartbreak and can’t pull himself together.”
“Since you have much more experience as a producer, I thought you would know exactly how to help someone in a situation like Doha’s.”
“Hmm. It’s a cute problem.”
Our expert, Seo Taeil, who brushed off the severe situation of mental giant Lee Doha brushing his teeth with foam cleanser as nothing more than a “cute problem,” smiled and spun his chair around.
As expected. That must be the demeanor of a top idol leader who has been leading a group of wild members for 13 years without any issues. Damn, he’s cool.
“So to summarize, Doha feels like he’s burdening the group because he can’t dance well, so he wanted to help by composing. But he totally failed in the blind test and is now digging himself deeper into a hole?”
“You nailed it.”
Hearing him hit all the key points made me feel like we definitely came to the right person.
Honestly, it’s normally hard to even catch a glimpse of this man, but after finishing *Utopia*’s 13th-anniversary concert, he planned to focus solely on our group’s work for a while, which is why he was able to spare the time.
Moreover, Seo Taeil was partly responsible for the situation getting this bad!
“Hmm… I do feel a bit sorry. I feel like it happened because of me.”
“…Is this the part where I’m supposed to clap and thank you for giving us a great song?”
“If you could throw in some flattering words, that’d be even better.”
Our debut song, which had been chosen over Lee Doha’s, was this man’s composition.
“Aren’t you going to?”
“Do what…?”
“The clapping and the flattery. You should at least pay the counseling fee.”
“Oh.”
I thought it was a joke, but Seo Taeil really did make me and Jung Siwoo applaud and shower him with flattering praises like “Wow! Sunbae-nim is the best! You turned the blind test upside down with an amazing debut song!” until our hands nearly caught fire.
‘This guy really is from *Utopia*….’
As I massaged my tingling palms, feeling the blood circulating through them, Seo Taeil casually tapped the armrest of his chair and said.
“Well, I get the gist of it… Can you call Doha now? I think he should come by for a quick demo recording of the debut song.”
“Oh. Sure.”
At Seo Taeil’s words, Jung Siwoo quickly pulled out his phone and sent a message to Lee Doha. Doha, who had been holed up in the company’s practice room for intensive dance training, soon replied that he would be there shortly.
And after a little while.
“…Hello, sunbae-nim.”
“Yeah. You’re here, Doha?”
Lee Doha opened the door to the studio and stepped inside. He hesitated momentarily upon seeing me and Jung Siwoo but quickly regained his composure, probably assuming we were there for the same reason.
Seo Taeil greeted Lee Doha with a natural smile, as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
“I thought it’d be better to record a rough demo of your debut song and check the details. Have you practiced a bit?”
“Not a lot, yet.”
“Well, the song was decided only recently. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Lee Doha stood in front of the makeshift microphone in Seo Taeil’s studio. As he read the lyrics on his phone, he cleared his throat nervously.
“Do you want some water? Would you like to take a sip before starting?”
“Oh. Yes, thank you.”
“Hajin, could you get some water for Doha from the fridge?”
“Sure.”
Seo Taeil’s studio even had a mini-fridge. When I opened it, it was packed with water bottles and cans of beer. I grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to Lee Doha, who had grown noticeably gaunt over the past few days. He nodded his thanks.
“This is just to check how you’re preparing, so don’t worry too much. Feel free to look at the lyrics as you go. It’s fine even if you mess up.”
“…Yes.”
By the way, the rap-making for the debut song was also done by Seo Taeil, not Lee Doha. (I’m sure this also contributed to Doha’s mental breakdown.)
So now, Doha had to perform the rap written by this senior in front of him, who was responsible for the song’s composition, lyrics, and arrangement. Even someone like Doha would be understandably nervous.
“Alright, let’s begin.”
The instrumental of our debut song, which I’d heard countless times over the past few days, flowed out of the high-quality speakers. Jung Siwoo and I stuck to our seats, holding our breaths to avoid distracting Lee Doha.
Soon, Lee Doha’s rap was supposed to start.
“…….”
“……?”
But it didn’t.
The part where Lee Doha was supposed to come in passed by in silence. No vocal waves appeared on the monitor.
After about three seconds, realizing he had missed his cue, Lee Doha lowered his head towards Seo Taeil.
“Sorry. Could I try again?”
“Sure. I’ll play it again.”
Seo Taeil, without any sign of discomfort, replayed the instrumental.
But once again, at the same point, Lee Doha couldn’t start.
“Let’s go again.”
Seo Taeil played the instrumental one more time.
This time, Lee Doha managed to start the rap, but it was evident that his tone was unsettled and aimless.
“Again.”
This time, the lyrics were off.
“Let’s go again.”
This time, the rhyme was off.
“Once more. Focus.”
This time, the timing was off.
“…….”
And so, the cycle of “once more” repeated who knows how many times.
Seo Taeil only stopped the cycle when Lee Doha had downed his third bottle of water, and even then, his voice was starting to crack.
During all that time, Lee Doha couldn’t deliver even
a passable…
No, he couldn’t even deliver a decent performance.
“Doha.”
With a steady tone that revealed no emotion, Seo Taeil called out to Lee Doha once again. Doha, seemingly aware of his own shortcomings, couldn’t even lift his head as he turned towards Seo Taeil.
Looking utterly desolate, as if he was standing on the edge of a cliff, Lee Doha heard Seo Taeil’s voice, soft and gentle.
“I heard you’ve been out of it lately. Because you failed the blind test.”
What the hell? Why would he reveal that like this?
Completely disregarding the basic principle of confidentiality in counseling, Seo Taeil calmly ran his hand through his hair. With an expression that gave nothing away, he rested his chin on his hand and spoke softly to Lee Doha.
“I’m not trying to make you angry; I just want to hear your side of the story. Understanding an artist’s condition is fundamental for a producer.”
“…….”
“Can you tell me what’s been bothering you the most?”
With a kind smile, Seo Taeil lightly patted the chair next to him, inviting Lee Doha to sit down. Doha, who had been standing in front of the microphone like a criminal, slowly walked over and took a seat next to Seo Taeil.
Facing Jung Siwoo and me, Lee Doha averted his eyes slightly before speaking.
“It’s true that I’ve been overthinking things lately…. But it’s not because I failed the blind test.”
“Then what?”
It wasn’t because of that?
Not the ‘*Miro* is the first to reject me’ path?
Surprised by his unexpected answer, Jung Siwoo and I both looked up at Lee Doha. He glanced at us briefly before lowering his gaze to the floor and continuing to speak to Seo Taeil.
“When I first heard your song during the blind test… I was honestly a bit shocked. I just knew that song would be chosen. Even just hearing the guide, I could already picture which member would sing which part.”
As expected of a professional composer who has remained active for 13 years, Seo Taeil had completely stripped away his own style, focusing solely on *Kairos* in the song. It was completely different from the countless songs he’d composed for *Utopia*, and it perfectly utilized the strengths of the members, just as Doha had mentioned.
“Then I listened to my song… and I felt strange. It was clearly a song I’d poured my heart into, yet I couldn’t stand listening to it.”
“Hmm… Can you explain more specifically why you felt that way?”
“Like the staff mentioned, the fact that I didn’t consider the singers at all struck me first. I couldn’t even understand how I made such a basic mistake…. But what really hit me was how glaringly obvious my shortcomings were.”
Once he started talking, it was as if all the emotions he had been holding back came spilling out. Lee Doha confessed his worries to Seo Taeil as if he were making a confession.
“I just… I don’t know. I wanted to create music that we could make together, but when it didn’t work out, I started getting anxious….”
The clear and resolute beliefs that Lee Doha had held were now wavering and crumbling.
It was as if someone had knocked over a cup of water onto a watercolor painting, leaving him walking through a foggy and blurred haze.
“I see. So that’s how you’ve been feeling.”
Listening attentively, Seo Taeil nodded slightly.
Still resting his chin on one hand, he looked at Lee Doha quietly before speaking in a monotone voice.
“Doha.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you think you have a bit of an arrogant mindset?”
“…Pardon?”
“That’s how it seems to me, hearing what you just said. For a rookie who hasn’t even debuted yet.”
Has he lost his mind?
With the doctor’s provocative prescription, the temperature in the studio suddenly plummeted.