Chapter 95: Hold Me
"I’m not sure what you’re talking about."
Dogeon looked around my room, trying to act casual and brush off his flattery as if it hadn’t been flattery at all.
If it were anyone else, they might have been fooled, but not me. Trying to play coy with me of all people? I had spent enough time with him to understand his intentions.
"...Don’t play dumb. You’ve been neglecting me, and now you’re trying to smooth things over like this."
And since nothing had worked out despite all his wandering around, he was embarrassed to admit it and was setting the stage for a graceful retreat.
It was like he was saying, Sorry for not getting your permission! I’ll say nice things, so let it slide! A way to soothe my anger while he was at it.
I mean, I was the reason things hadn’t gone well for him. To be honest, if everything had worked out, I’d have been much angrier.
Anyway, I couldn’t just let him gloss over it like this. Even if it was Dogeon, he owed me a proper apology.
"Hoyeon. I’m sorry. I’ve been... foolish."
But instead of making excuses or brushing it off, Dogeon offered a sincere apology.
...Huh. An apology. Sure, if he did something wrong, he should apologize. But this wasn’t how I’d pictured it...
"My head must have been messed up. I couldn’t even look at you properly, and yet I turned my eyes to someone else. It’s obvious how stupid that was, if I’d only thought about it for a moment."
...Why was he acting like this? He’d never been like this before. The confident, adventurous Dogeon I knew was nowhere to be seen.
Whatever had happened, it seemed to have taken a toll on his confidence. He looked more exhausted than usual.
I wanted to ask if something had happened, but I didn’t want to lose my momentum by showing too much sympathy. It’d be weird to switch from being stern to suddenly coddling him.
"...W-Well, at least you understand what you did wrong. That’s good enough. Now, you can go. You came here just to say that, right?"
I knew he’d probably be wandering around again by tomorrow, but hearing him say those words did warm my heart a bit.
Otherwise, there’d be no reason for him to come here at all.
"Oh, and one more thing. I’m done with all that. I’m not doing it anymore."
...
"...Dogeon. Did something bad happen? L-Like, maybe a prince or something got involved and made things difficult for you...?"
Since he was a commoner, he had no choice but to be careful around royalty. There was no way he’d give up on his own. Right?
That muscle-bound guy hanging around Anya was the eldest son of a count. Maybe he’d said something to Dogeon, especially since those two had gotten closer lately.
...I couldn’t really picture that big softie trying to keep someone away, but people are full of surprises. It wasn’t impossible.
"No, it’s nothing like that. I just felt my own limitations. If I kept going like this, I thought I’d end up losing even you. That’s why I stopped."
...He really stopped on his own? Did something really bad happen? Did Anya directly tell him not to come between us...?
I had been sabotaging things to push him away from those girls, but I hadn’t meant for anything too harsh.
"Are... Are you okay...?"
If something bad had happened because of me, I’d feel guilty. I just wanted him to tire himself out and give up, not to look this defeated.
"...I don’t think I’m okay. Actually, I feel kind of relieved. Yeah. It’s hard to put into words."
He didn’t look okay at all. What should I do? I was pretty sure it was my fault...
I tried to think of a way to lift his spirits, but nothing came to mind.
But he looked so down that—
"...Hoyeon?"
I moved close, so close that our chests touched and we could feel each other’s breath. Gently, like wrapping a soft cloth around a solid rock, I hugged him tightly.
Would this make him feel better? If the person you liked hugged you, wouldn’t it cheer you up? I held him warmly.
...It wasn’t normal for friends to hug like this. But since we were different genders, it should be fine, right? Dogeon seemed so surprised he froze.
I thought he’d be more excited, considering how he acted around girls, but maybe not. Or maybe it was different because I was his friend?
"Yeah. You did well. I see how hard you tried."
Since he made an effort, someone needed to acknowledge it. Even if that someone would have been upset if he had succeeded.
This hug was a reward for giving up.
Dogeon seemed to agree, as he stopped even the small gestures of pushing me away and quietly settled into my embrace.
He slowly placed his hands on me too, but I decided to let it slide this time. He must have been really hurt, and this was also my chance to step into that empty space.
We stayed like that for a while, but then a problem arose.
It was warm and a bit embarrassing, but mostly, I didn’t know when to pull away. We were holding each other so tightly.
It felt like we could stay like this forever... but I kind of wanted to get back to writing my diary.
"...Um, Dogeon? Maybe we should... stop now?"
But he was so lost in the hug that he didn’t respond. I had to twist my body slightly and push him away before he finally snapped out of it.
"Ah, sorry. And... thanks for comforting me."
...I’ll let that one go. He’s probably not in his right mind because of the shock.
"...Did you really like it that much?"
Still, I couldn’t help but tease him a little. If he were still the guy obsessed with girls, I wouldn’t have joked like this, but now I knew it was safe.
"Yeah. So much I didn’t want to let go."
...What?
"R-Right! I see!"
That’s not how this was supposed to go... I’d meant to tease him, but there wasn’t a hint of mischief in his expression.
He genuinely meant it. He was glad I hugged him. He wasn’t the type to misunderstand intentions.
He must have really been through a lot...
"I wasn’t joking. I really liked it. Could I ask you again if things get tough?"
Uh, uh...
"Of course... Just ask! Whether it’s hugging... or petting...!"
I was so embarrassed by Dogeon's pure expression of affection that I couldn't think straight. So, I just said whatever came to mind.
"Yeah. Thanks. There really is no one like you. So... could you tell me more about the East?"
Hearing him mention my hometown helped me regain a bit of my composure. My face was still burning, but this was something I needed to explain properly.
I wasn’t sure about other things, but when it came to talking about my home, I had to stay focused.
"...Haa... Okay, sure. What do you want to know?"
"Um... Transportation? From what you’ve told me, it sounds huge, but I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned it being difficult to get around."
Ah, that topic. When I first arrived, I also wondered how people managed to travel across such a vast place.
"Every village has a teleportation device that uses the ley lines. I don’t really know the exact mechanics... but anyone can use it. The only downside is that it has a long recharge time, but engineers are constantly working to improve that."
"...A teleporter, huh."
Yeah, in short, it was a teleporter. He caught on quickly. Explaining things to him was actually kind of nice.
***
A random thought struck me—why do important days always coincide with my heat cycle? Midterms were no exception.
It was the same with my birthday as a kid. Though back then, it was just a mild fever with barely any effects.
Now, I was used to the familiar haze in my mind. I forced myself to roll out of bed.
After staring blankly for five minutes, I tried to remember what had happened yesterday.
Let’s see...
Did I talk about the healthcare system? The day before was about transportation. My memory was so foggy. Still, I’d probably breeze through the exam.
Compared to the hellish, brain-melting questions from back home, the ones here felt as mild as a sweet tteokbokki.
Like I’d let something like that trip me up.
...First things first, I needed to wake up. It’d be great if I could fix this grogginess I felt every morning.
Despite moving sluggishly, I managed to get cleaned up. As usual, I prayed to the god to dry my hair for me.
"...Ah. Right. She’s off enjoying herself right now..."
I’d already dried my hair by hand yesterday, so why did I forget that today? Maybe the heat cycle really did make me a bit stupid.
I wrung out my hair, which kept dripping no matter how much I dried it, and reminded myself to be extra careful today.
Last time, I had nearly bitten Dogeon. It was only because he had told me it was fine that I didn’t end up feeling guilty forever.
Not that I wasn’t sorry now, but it wasn’t entirely my fault. He had been so nice to everyone else but a bit cold to me—it was only natural I reacted that way.
Well, now that all of that was over, I wouldn’t act like that with Dogeon anymore.
As I thoughtlessly reached for my uniform, I suddenly remembered the casual clothes neatly tucked away in my wardrobe.
...Come to think of it, there were quite a few students who wore things other than the uniform. Even Anya wore a custom coat over hers.
Other kids also showed their individuality with what they wore. Most stuck to the uniform, but still...
But? I was a princess, wasn’t I? I was different from most people, so it should be okay, right...?
It wasn’t because Dogeon said I looked pretty in it. Absolutely not. Nope. It was just more comfortable than the uniform.
Having convinced myself, I opened the wardrobe.