Chapter 89: Boasting
A month and a half. It was long, but not an eternity. Dogeon didn’t stick to me like glue every day, but he came by at least once a day, and Black Wolf kept me updated in real-time about what Dogeon was up to.
So, there wasn’t much of a problem. Dogeon didn’t seem to be making much progress, either. Even I could tell he’d been hitting a dead end so far.
Anya seemed to have feelings for either Eric or Arin, and the Church folk, while saying nothing outright, had some sort of vibe going on.
I didn’t like how they trailed after us like ducklings, but Uncle Lieutenant was keeping them in check, so it wasn’t something to worry too much about.
Hmm. From my perspective, knowing there’s no room to interfere in a relationship, Dogeon’s actions were doomed to fail in the end.
Not that it’s because, in my previous life, whenever I left the house, I’d avoid PDA couples laughing arm-in-arm on the streets by awkwardly stepping onto the road instead of mustering up the courage to ask them to make way.
I wish Dogeon would see me in that light. Of course, if I blatantly said something like “Have my baby”─he’d probably freak out and run for the hills.
I just wish… at the very least, that he’d recognize me as a woman.
“…Uh, Hoyeon.”
“Hmm? What is it? Speak. Did you not understand my explanation?”
Had my explanation been too difficult for Dogeon, who traded brainpower for social skills? Given how often he’d asked questions when I tutored him during midterms, it was a reasonable suspicion.
“Well… I feel like you’re a bit too close. Would you mind stepping back a little?”
“What nonsense are you spouting? Where’s the confidence you had when you were hitting on Anya and Cecilia? Or is it just that you don’t like me?”
Based on what I’d seen through the window or heard from Black Wolf, Dogeon kept about the same distance with other girls as he was with me now.
Apparently, he even got slapped by Camilla once for getting too close.
Of course, I thought we were already closer than that since we’d actually made physical contact, but we’d been growing more distant lately.
That’s why we needed to get closer again. Even if only for a moment.
“Well, that’s…”
How did he know? Or why was he bringing it up now? Whatever he was about to say, it was probably something along those lines.
“I’m saying I’ll turn a blind eye, not that I won’t be watching. You’re aware of that, right? At least try to understand how it feels for me to have only been able to watch all this time.”
I whispered softly into Dogeon’s ear, careful not to disturb the other students, who were busy studying. I made sure to maintain a steady gaze, subtly applying pressure.
By now, it seemed Dogeon had nothing more to say, as he obediently turned his attention back to my lesson.
“Alright, moving on with the explanation…”
If he’d kept pushing, I was ready to bring up how many times he’d met with the other girls and then demand to know why he was treating me, who’d outright confessed, so coldly.
But as expected of someone who’d invested in social skills, his instincts were sharp. I couldn’t understand why someone so perceptive made such disappointing decisions when it mattered most.
Still, Dogeon wasn’t just good at communication; he also quickly grasped even the more difficult parts of the lesson.
“You solve equations of circles like this. Any questions?”
“No, none.”
Did that pseudo-magic of his boost intelligence as well? It might even be better than the intelligence-enhancing elixirs scholars took back in my hometown.
Those potions made anyone who drank them complain of headaches and take a week off work. They did make you smarter, though—I knew that from experience.
It was like… an awakening, a whole new perspective on the world.
But that wasn’t important right now.
“Alright, let’s take a ten-minute break.”
Having finished teaching Dogeon, and with Anya seemingly recalling the logarithms she’d been struggling with, I figured it was time for a break.
The moment I announced the break, Anya shot up from her seat and headed outside, as Eric trailed after her, telling her to wait.
“You’re not going outside?”
Even the Church folk were wandering out, but Dogeon just sat slumped in his chair, looking utterly drained, which made me curious.
“…I just don’t feel like it. Nothing’s been going right lately… I don’t know.”
With most people gone, the only one left nearby besides us was a homunculus librarian. Feeling relaxed, I decided to drop the formality in my speech.
“…Not going well?”
Seeing Dogeon openly admit that his romantic endeavors weren’t going well was a relief, but that didn’t mean I enjoyed seeing him so dejected.
After all, he’d spoken to me so confidently about his intentions—of course he’d feel embarrassed or down if things weren’t working out.
Not that I wasn’t pleased by the news. To begin with, chasing after people who already had feelings for someone else or none for you at all was exhausting for both sides.
I wished he’d just give up. But judging by his attitude, it didn’t seem like he was ready to throw in the towel yet.
“…Yeah. Sorry about that. After all that big talk, this is a pitiful result.”
No, if anything had come of it, I’d be even angrier. Honestly, I felt relieved at his failure. Why not give up and come to me instead?
That’d be a welcome development.
“…Well, it seems like things aren’t going well for you. I can’t exactly tell you to cheer up, but if it ever gets too hard… you can come to me. I’ll help if I can.”
Just not with relationship advice. Honestly, I wanted to tell him to give it up and come to me, but I didn’t want to crush his spirit.
With anyone else, maybe—but I wanted to respect my friend’s courage.
“Thanks. So… Can I ask you one thing?”
“Of course… What is it?”
Hmm. I hadn’t expected him to ask something right away, but since I’d offered, I wasn’t going to back out like a coward.
“…If you suddenly had to go somewhere, but all the roads to get there were blocked, what would you do?”
His tone grew serious, and his voice dropped. I thought he was about to say something heavy, but that’s what he came out with?
“What do you mean? I just wouldn’t go, I guess.”
“But if not going meant something terrible would happen to everyone… Would you still ignore it? What if I was the only one who could stop it?”
The conversation was getting complicated and dark. Still, I felt I had to answer sincerely.
I sat down next to him and gave him my answer.
“…If that’s the case, I’d try to find a way first. But if there really isn’t any way to get there… wouldn’t it be enough to be satisfied with that? You’ve already done your best.”
If you’ve done all you can and it still doesn’t work out, then you just have to chalk it up to bad luck and let it go. What else can you do?
Just like how, in my previous life, I couldn’t make friends no matter how much I tried. Effort can achieve a lot of things, but there are definitely limits—some things are just impossible.
“…Alright, then I’ll add just one more condition. Let’s say that even if disaster befalls everyone, there’s a place where you can be safe. A place where no one would even know you ran away. Would you go there?”
As Dogeon said this, his face looked like that of an old man weighed down with anguish. Was this some kind of protagonist dilemma?
I couldn’t remember the original story very well—if anything, I hadn’t even finished reading it—but even in the little I’d seen, there were hints of a lurking darkness.
Maybe this continent had its own hidden shadows, too. Judging by how tormented he looked, he might be caught up in something like that.
The question seemed to boil down to this: “If you had the means to save everyone—or at least someone—but there was also a way for you to live comfortably, would you still choose the hard path to save others?”
It wasn’t something I could easily answer.
Philosophical dilemmas like this were already overwhelming when I was stuck grappling with ones my mother had left me. I still hadn’t solved the question of whether humans could live without gods.
“…I’m not sure. But, whatever choice you make, I’ll be on your side. As long as you keep your promises.”
In the end, all I could offer was blind empathy. Usually, when people ask these kinds of questions, they already have an answer in mind.
They just don’t feel confident about it yet, so they ask someone else.
I moved behind Dogeon and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
I could feel him flinch for a moment, likely remembering what I’d done before, but then he seemed to realize I wasn’t applying any force, and his body relaxed.
This time, I wasn’t going to crush his shoulder. As if to make that clear, I softly patted it.
And then, I hugged him from behind. Warmly.
“…Hoyeon?”
“Don’t try to do everything alone. We’re friends, aren’t we? If things get tough, tell me. I don’t know if I can actually help… but I can at least comfort you.”
I wasn’t sure if this was something friends normally did… but oh well. If this helped us grow closer, then why not?
Besides, Dogeon had been running himself ragged lately. Someone needed to give him a reward.
I held him silently for a while, and he stayed quiet as well, letting me embrace him.
It was warm—the warmth of another person’s body. I’d felt it often from my parents when I was little, but as I grew up, it became a distant memory.
Thinking about it now, I realized there hadn’t been anyone to share their warmth with me for a long time. Maybe that’s why Dogeon felt special.
…But, because I stayed like that for too long, ten minutes had already passed.
Which meant the others came back in and saw exactly what we were doing.
So, instead of being embarrassed, I tightened my arms around Dogeon a little, as if to show off.
I made it clear to everyone watching: This is mine.