Ricardo's expression slowly turned cold.
There was something chilling to the bone about it.
But I forced a smile.
"Though the first button was a mess, we still have to finish it properly."
Right. This was the right thing to do.
So that I wouldn’t be entangled with Ricardo anymore.
It was an engagement neither of us wanted from the start.
At an engagement ceremony that should have been filled with happiness, someone had been flustered and someone had exploded in anger.
It was an unusual engagement.
But for something like that, we still held on for quite a while.
"I told you before. That I would break off the engagement the way you wanted. I think now is the time."
"……."
"Thank you for everything until now."
Ricardo’s hard-to-read gaze settled on my face.
Then, a small groan escaped his lips.
"……Are you thanking me right now?"
"Yes."
"For what, exactly?"
There was a faint murderous intent in his completely sunken voice.
"I didn’t save you. Even when you were swallowed by the lake water. I didn’t know anything and……."
Eventually, what overtook Ricardo’s face was a distant despair.
"And yet, you’re thanking me?"
I stared blankly at him and tilted my head with a puzzled look.
"You saved Lady Idette instead."
"……!"
"Isn’t that enough?"
Well, it's true that I resented Ricardo when I was suffering from a fever.
But once I recovered, it didn’t feel like something worth resenting him for.
It was understandable.
It made sense to save the one you loved first.
If both Cedric and Ricardo had fallen in, I would have saved Cedric first too.
The value of life was important for everyone, but that wasn’t everything.
I drank all of the cooled tea.
Having drunk all the tea the maids had prepared with care, I no longer had a reason to remain seated here.
"Then, take care."
And let’s never meet again.
With a much lighter heart, I left the garden.
* * *
Only silence lingered where Bianca had left.
Ricardo couldn’t take his eyes off the empty seat.
……Take care?
Wasn’t that more like a farewell?
There was so much he wanted to say to that woman.
Things he absolutely had to say.
But he didn’t say a single thing.
He had only lashed out in anger like a fool.
……Should I stop her?
But he had countless reasons not to hold onto Bianca.
It was what he had wanted from the beginning.
To be rid of that loathsome woman.
Besides, what would he even say if he stopped her?
Something about Idette?
If not that, then what……?
Even so, Ricardo stood up.
Raindrops began to fall one by one from the clear sky.
……I didn’t save you.
I saved Idette instead of you.
Everyone points fingers at me, but I didn’t want you to hate me.
It felt like sinking endlessly into the deep sea.
Having failed to save you, I was sinking into an ocean I could never escape.
If I could go back and find you then.
……If I had saved you instead, would something have changed?
He went back to that moment over and over.
But once he came to his senses, only a foggy reality remained.
Ricardo’s steps gradually quickened.
In truth, he already knew the answer to the question from before.
Bianca—that woman—would be hurt.
No, anyone else in her place would have been hurt too.
But Ricardo had deceived himself.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t find the answer.
Maybe he had just turned away from it.
Because he always thought Bianca would stay by his side.
He realized that was arrogance.
But he had to think that way.
If not, there was no way for him to hold onto her.
Ricardo panted as he grabbed Bianca’s hand.
"……!"
Bianca’s eyes slowly began to widen.
……He didn’t want to admit that this was the end.
He knew their first meeting was a mess, just like she said.
But so what?
If the first button was crooked, you just had to start over.
If that was too hard, then they could simply decide that the moment they longed for was their true beginning.
Like the magical moment people always talked about.
They could meet in a rainy cabin.
Endure the cold in front of a fireplace while talking about each other, and make unforgettable memories.
……That would be enough.
No, I just didn’t want you to be hurt because of me.
I wanted you to understand someone like me.
I wanted you to wait just a little longer for someone like me.
It was greedy.
Shameless.
Unbelievably selfish.
"……Ricardo."
Even in this situation, I hated that you held only kindness instead of anger.
Why wouldn’t you be mad at me?
Was it really because you were okay?
If not……
Was it because I wasn’t worth it?
* * *
I stared at him with a frozen expression.
His calm eyes were stained with emotions I couldn't begin to understand.
I tried to shake off his hand, but Ricardo didn’t let me go.
"Ricardo."
I called him again, meaning for him to release my hand, but Ricardo’s hand remained pale and unmoving.
Why are you still stuck on that day?
Idette should be fine by now.
"……Did something happen to Lady Idette?"
Ricardo’s lips trembled briefly.
"Then go to her quickly."
I tried once more to pry his hand away, but it was useless. He only gripped tighter.
The raindrops that had started to fall one by one grew heavier. But Ricardo seemed completely unaware that he was getting drenched.
No matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t understand why he was holding onto me.
He didn’t have the kind of face that would lash out at me because of Idette.
Just like the last image I remembered of Ricardo, he looked as though he wanted to cry.
……But why?
Everything was perfect.
Just as he wanted, we would break off the engagement and never see each other again.
So then, why did he wear such an expression?
I had tried so hard to understand Ricardo. Even when I didn’t get it, I told myself it wasn’t a big deal and let it go.
But the more I faced Ricardo, the more my mind filled with confusion.
Would the day ever come when I could understand you?
……Ricardo, I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with you.
What is it that you truly want? What do you plan to do with me……?
This world existed in printed letters. We had to walk the path that had already been written.
Even if something changed because of me, the main branches would remain the same.
Because that was the predetermined answer.
That you loved Idette, and that you hated me.
All of it was set. So I chose to accept it that way.
That was one of my ways of adapting to this world.
But the Ricardo standing before me now…
……could never be understood with just printed words.
I parted my lips slightly, then lowered my gaze.
"Spend your time on something more worthwhile than me."
At that moment, the strength left Ricardo’s hand.
Cedric had been right. Time was limited, and once it passed, it would never come back.
For both me and Ricardo.
It was a waste of time now.
I turned my eyes to Allen, who stood awkwardly in the distance holding an umbrella.
It seemed more time had passed than I’d expected.
Then, Ricardo’s tightly shut lips finally parted.
"……There is nothing more worthwhile to me than this."
For a moment, I thought I had misheard.
That it was just the sound of the rain spreading noisily through my ears.
But the moment I met Ricardo’s eyes, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Ricardo looked desperate.
At last, he let out incoherent words.
"I don’t fully understand myself why I held onto you."
"……."
"I just…… want you to understand me."
My understanding……?
It was still a string of words I couldn’t comprehend.
"What understanding are you asking for?"
"……."
"That you didn’t save me? If not that, then what exactly are you talking about?"
I clenched my fists tightly.
Just make an excuse. At least then I could pretend to listen.
But to ask for understanding without saying a word—
Did that mean I wasn’t even worth explaining to?
A scoff slipped out from between my lips.
"Ricardo, you’re selfish. You know that?"
"I do. But if it weren’t for my selfishness, I wouldn’t have been able to hold onto you."
"And yet you still can’t say anything. I guess your selfishness doesn’t reach that far."
I would never be able to understand Ricardo.
"If you were going to be selfish, you should’ve stayed that way to the end. Otherwise, how am I supposed to interpret this situation?"
If he had held onto me merely out of guilt, then that too was unbearably pathetic.
Ricardo had already saved Idette.
And he would continue to do so.
A conscience that couldn’t change anything.
I let out a self-deprecating laugh.