Chapter 31: An Isolated Utopia
In the memories that Rast still retained, the first time he had seen this border town was after he had entered Deep Blue Port and become trapped within the time loop.
At that time, his mental state had been extremely poor.
In his efforts to stop the Descent of the Evil God and break that hopeless cycle, he had tried every possible method, only to fail again and again…
Eventually, he had fallen into the abyss of despair.
During that period, Rast had begun to abandon himself to self-destruction, using self-harm as a way to relinquish his identity.
He had once lain in bed day and night, numbly watching the sun rise and set, until the cult’s descent ritual completed and the divine radiance of the Evil God annihilated everything.
He had also tried various methods of dying—like leaping from tall buildings to be devoured by the Iron Cross, or throwing himself into the furnace of a steel plant…
But after each death triggered a reset, the cycle continued endlessly, repeating hundreds, thousands of times between life and death.
Deep Blue Port’s restart mechanism made it impossible for Rast to truly die.
At most, he could only remain suspended in the moment just before death.
But as a human, Rast had already died in essence, merely waiting for time to erode and rot his soul away, until nothing remained but a breathing, heartbeat-bearing husk.
It was during that time, in the gap between two time loops of Deep Blue Port, that Rast arrived in Canaan and met Emis.
It had been this blonde girl before his eyes who had accompanied him back then—when he had been little more than a human vegetable—and in this peaceful border town called Canaan, helped him gradually reclaim his sense of being human.
It was also Emis who had, time and again, tirelessly reminded and supervised him…
Ensuring Rast no longer harmed or killed himself.
Keeping him from casually seeking out physical indulgence with others.
Stopping him from experimenting with hallucinogens—things that, once addicted to, might render him incapable of returning.
She had helped him slowly transform from a wandering, numb ghost into a human again.
After that, Rast had also tried to research the principles behind the existence and appearance of the world before him.
He discovered that this border town called Canaan resembled the special theater scenes that appeared in romance games after repeatedly reaching bad ends.
Only when he died in Deep Blue Port—caught at the end of one loop and before the next began—could he enter.
Moreover, the appearance of Canaan was not fixed.
It only appeared when his mental state was extremely unstable, showing signs of self-destruction, teetering on the verge of collapse.
In a sense, this world called Canaan seemed like a suppressor, preventing his spirit from completely breaking down…
This was merely Rast’s own hypothesis, and there was no way to verify it.
Yet it was precisely by relying on this hypothesis that Rast found a method to enter Canaan proactively—
He implanted a hypnotic suggestion in himself.
As long as the suggestion was triggered, he could simulate that near-collapse mental state and then enter Canaan in the gap between two Nightworld restarts.
From then on, Rast would regularly return to Canaan.
And he no longer fell into that same pit of despair and confusion or experienced nightmares like before.
Because no matter what storms he faced in Deep Blue Port, no matter how hopeless the obstacles, Rast now had an isolated utopia—
A sanctuary for his soul…
And the blonde girl named Emis waited for him there, quietly.
“…Rast… Rast?”
The girl's call pulled Rast out of his memories.
He saw that dinner had already been set on the table, and the owner of those sky-blue eyes was gazing at him with worry on her delicate face.
“Sorry, Xiao Ai, I spaced out just now.”
Rast smiled and began to feast on the dishes in front of him.
Compared to the luxurious meals he had eaten at upscale restaurants in Deep Blue Port, the food on this table could only be described as homely and simple.
Yet rather than the ornate and exquisite dishes of the past, it was this meal that made Rast feel the authenticity of life.
He was no longer eating merely to fuel his body, but living as a real resident in this small town.
“How is the taste?” Emis asked softly.
Rast nodded. “Very good.”
“That’s good.” Emis exhaled in relief.
“Rast, did you remember something just now?”
Emis glanced at him with hesitation and finally spoke after a moment’s pause.
“The hill we went to this afternoon—we used to play there a lot when we were little.”
“There was a time I got lost in the mountains alone. Even though the entire town was called to search, no one found me…”
“In the end, it was you, Rast, who braved the storm and found me in a cave.”
As she spoke, a faint smile appeared on her lips, as if recalling the memory.
“But back then, the heavy rain triggered a flash flood, cutting off the path down the mountain. We were trapped in that cave and couldn’t descend, and the adults couldn’t come up either.”
“In the end, we spent the night in the cave, and only at dawn did the adults manage to reach us.”
Rast pressed his hand against his forehead.
The storm, the muddy mountain path, the dim and freezing cave…
And the little girl curled up in the dark corner of the cave, eyes filled with fear and wariness like a frightened kitten…
Until their gazes met, and the caution in her eyes slowly faded, as if waking from a nightmare and recognizing someone from the real world.
That stormy, cold night—he had wrapped the only coat around them both, using each other’s body warmth to endure that difficult night.
That had indeed been his own experience.
He had truly gone to that dark cave and huddled in the corner with the girl before him, warming each other.
But when Rast tried to recall the memory more deeply, seeking the full picture of that time, the images in his mind shattered and dissolved into vague colors, fading further and further away, followed by sharp pain in his head.
“I’m sorry, Rast.”
“I knew you had forgotten parts of your memory. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
Emis spoke anxiously.
She looked at Rast clutching his forehead, wanting to reach out to him but fearing it might affect him instead.
So that pale hand stopped mid-air, and her sky-blue eyes were filled with regret.
Rast shook his head, brushing aside those fragmented images from his mind.
“Sorry, I have a faint impression, but I can’t remember clearly.”
He put a piece of black bread into his mouth.
“But I really do want to recall everything from the past.”
Rast didn’t know what Canaan truly was.
Was it the real world?
A remnant of the Nightworld?
Or a dream, a memory, a hallucination?
But if he wanted to explore his past—before he entered Deep Blue Port and became trapped in the endless cycle—then Canaan was Rast’s only clue.
According to what Emis said, and based on the inexplicable sense of familiarity Rast felt toward Canaan, this was the hometown where he had grown up.
However, something unknown must have happened that led him to Deep Blue Port, and Canaan became a distant, dreamlike world.
He pondered for a moment and asked softly, “Xiao Ai.”
“Have you ever heard of… the term ‘Library of Fools’?”