No goal. Unfocused. No desire to do anything.
That’s the current state of Su Yun.
He lay on the large bed in his dorm, eyes closed, thinking about the game he played. Thinking that if he hadn’t messed up in that last round, he would’ve won.
But then again, thinking deeper, games were nothing more than a way to waste time—just a tool to dull the part of him that wanted to escape reality.
Truthfully, Su Yun wasn’t like this before entering university.
Back then, he had a persistent, never-give-up kind of heart. He never procrastinated when it came to studying, believing that once you delay, you’ll never do it, so he forced himself to get things done right away.
In daily life, he was also very disciplined. Living alone in a rented apartment, he swept the floor and did laundry every day.
But reality is cruel. Su Yun failed the college entrance exam. That failure shattered all the dreams he once held.
That heart that had never thought of giving up—was crushed along with it.
Actually, the reason he had worked so hard was pretty simple: he wanted to marry a beautiful, gentle wife.
Looking back now, it all feels distant and laughable.
Heh.
Now Su Yun dodged his major classes, skipped all electives, copied homework from others. He was the very picture of decay.
If any of his high school classmates saw him now, they’d definitely think he was a completely different person.
But only Su Yun knew—he had been defeated by reality. He kept thinking, If only the exam results were based on average scores instead of raw rankings…
“…” Su Yun opened his eyes on the bed. It was Sunday, no classes today. Naturally, he’d spent the whole day playing games.
Now he was lying down simply because he was tired from gaming.
Even though it was a day off, the dorm was still quiet.
His other roommates had gone out to watch a performance on the school field. They said there’d be some eye candy.
Su Yun could easily guess—it was probably just a bunch of pretty junior and senior girls dancing or performing up there.
If it were the old Su Yun, who still believed in the good things in life, he definitely would’ve gone to watch. But now?
To be honest, if not for the fact that his parents had raised him all these years, suffering through hardships, maybe he would’ve just…
…
Alright, Su Yun wasn’t that fragile.
His current goal was to coast through college, find a job, and send money to his parents every month.
Now that he no longer had dreams, his parents became his one and only priority.
He’d rather die himself than see anything happen to them.
After all, they were the only people in the world who truly cared about him.
Unfortunately, that care still couldn’t fill the emptiness inside Su Yun.
“If only I could become a girl,” Su Yun muttered to himself.
If he couldn’t get what he wanted, then he’d just become it.
That way, if he looked at himself every day, he wouldn’t think about anything anymore. It would be like realizing that old dream.
He didn’t even like guys. So if he became a girl, he could live alone for the rest of his life. No emptiness. No wandering thoughts.
Without realizing it, Su Yun fell asleep under the weight of his emotions.
……
Su Yun had fallen asleep in the afternoon. When he woke up, the sky outside had clearly darkened.
“…” He woke up, but felt like there was no point in doing so.
Staring at the gloomy sky outside the two sliding glass doors, she felt a deep, indescribable emptiness and pain.
There was no one beside him.
Of course, Su Yun wasn’t thinking about his roommates. In fact, he preferred they stayed out longer.
“Today’s event is going on for this long? They’re still not back.”
“Good.” Su Yun looked at the empty, dimly lit dorm and felt a sense of ease in her heart.
She walked over to the light switch and flipped it on with her hand.
In an instant, the dorm was bathed in light.
But the next second, Su Yun turned the light back off.
He liked quiet and dim environments.
Because of the urge to pee after just waking up, Su Yun fumbled his way through the darkness to the bathroom. As usual, he reached for his waistband and extended a hand to grab.
Grab.
Grab.
“???” Su Yun reached a few more times in confusion, but caught nothing. His hand was empty.
What the hell? Where is it?
Even if he wasn’t as disciplined as before in college, there was no way he couldn’t grab it, right?
Frightened, Su Yun immediately reached his hand deeper inside.
It was completely different down there now, like it had been cut off with a blade.
“Did my roommates cut me while I was sleeping? But I didn’t offend anyone…”
Panicking, Su Yun rushed back to the light switch, even forgetting to pull up his pants.
Click.
As the light turned on, Su Yun froze.
He looked down and saw something unbelievable.
“?”
Su Yun was knowledgeable enough to recognize what that was.
Then he stepped in front of the bathroom mirror.
In the mirror stood someone wearing a loose coat, the wide collar slipping down to reveal slender, snow-white shoulders. That smooth skin looked just like the kind of beautiful girls Su Yun had only seen in anime.
In the mirror was a girl about 1.6 meters tall, with long white hair draped messily around her front and back. Her slightly red eyes gave off a chill.
Looking at that pale, almost eerie skin, Su Yun’s first thought was—
“Isn’t this a vampire? And a beautiful girl vampire at that.” Su Yun stood there dumbfounded for a while before recalling something.
Didn’t he say he wanted to become a girl before sleeping?
Dream come true? Seriously?
Su Yun’s face twisted into a bitter expression. The cute girl in the mirror mirrored the exact same look.
Su Yun stared at the girl in the mirror. Even with a frown and a sickly complexion, she was still beautiful.
He thought—this was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life.
If his high school self had seen this, he definitely would’ve fallen in love, and worked hard just to marry her.
“Heh.” Thinking of the past, Su Yun let out a cold, disheartened chuckle, his smile a little twisted.
“This must be a dream. I won’t bother pinching myself.”
It felt too unreal. So he didn’t dare to do anything reckless—just treated it like a dream.
Then, mimicking what he remembered from how girls used the toilet in his mind, she took care of his urge. Afterward, he found some smaller clothes from the wardrobe and threw on a jacket.
It was cold outside.
Next, without thinking too much, he slipped on his shoes and left the dorm.
Now that I’ve become a girl, I’ll treat this girl as my wife, he thought. Take her to stroll around the school track—just like those ambiguous couples I used to see.
After more than ten years of effort, he could actually fulfill that dream in a dream.
Heh. Not bad.
Su Yun didn’t dare to run. He just walked slowly down the dorm corridor, occasionally passing by a few guys. Some greeted him, others didn’t even glance his way.
He didn’t care about any of it.
He just wanted to get to the field as fast as possible.
When he was at his most depressed, his favorite place was the track—walking there alone under the dark sky that somehow gave him a sense of security.
Now, he wanted to take this girl there with him.
……
Only, he had forgotten—there were going to be a lot of people on the field tonight.
Because it had been quiet, and this was just a dream, he didn’t expect so many people. But when he arrived, he saw the stage lights blazing and the field packed full of people.
The show was already wrapping up. The grass was filled with seated students who were now getting up to leave.
As they walked away, they noticed a strange red glow—like stage lighting. No one paid it much mind.
Only a few people realized that the glow was coming from a person.
“So many people... Isn’t this place usually just for running?” Su Yun got scared and hid in a nearby building, thinking to himself.
Right, my roommates said there was a big event today.
But why is it happening in my dream too?
Finally, I get what might be called a beautiful dream...
Su Yun suddenly felt a bit down, afraid that the dream would end soon.
And strangely, after becoming a girl, that old feeling of emptiness had really vanished.
Sure enough, becoming a girl to keep herself company was a good idea.
If only reality...
“Who are you? What are you doing here?” A cold female voice rang from a distance.
Along with the sound of footsteps on the floor, a girl had come up beside Su Yun.
“I… just passing by.” Su Yun raised his head to explain, but when he saw the girl’s beautiful black dress and the thigh-high socks on her long legs, he panicked.
This girl was very pretty, but the expression on her face as she looked at Su Yun was like she was staring at trash.
That scared Su Yun. She hadn’t talked to many girls to begin with, and now she’d run into one who looked like she’d call the cops if he so much as brushed against her.
Qin Xue was also puzzled when Su Yun immediately ducked his head after seeing her.
She had just finished the performance with her club’s juniors and was about to clean up and go home when she noticed this “thing.”
“Ahem, little girl, what are you doing here? Are you looking for someone? We just finished our dance club performance. If you tell me the name, I can call her for you.”
Qin Xue tried to suppress her usual cold tone to make her voice sound less icy.
But Su Yun had no intention of talking. When he saw the girl lean in, he only became more frightened.
After hiding for a while and realizing the dream still wasn’t ending, he finally decided to say a few words.
“No one. Just passing by. I’ll leave in a bit.”
“Oh? Passing by here? For what?” Qin Xue asked instinctively, looking at Su Yun.
“I came to walk around the track. But there were too many people, so I decided to wait a bit. Just sitting here,” Su Yun explained calmly.
Now go away. Don’t talk to me anymore.
“Feeling down? Got dumped by your boyfriend? Who could be so blind—to reject such a pretty girl?”
“Wanna take a walk together later? I can cheer you up a bit.”
Qin Xue looked at Su Yun’s pitiful expression and couldn’t help but feel a wave of sympathy.
She didn’t even notice the white hair and red eyes until later, and by then, it felt too awkward to bring up. She just assumed it was dyed hair and colored contacts.
“Ah?” Su Yun’s red eyes widened at those words.
No way.
Usually, when girls talked to him, the conversation ended within five lines, and it was all small talk.
But this girl? Way more beautiful than any of the girls from his class. The kind of beauty you only saw on stage.
And she actually offered to take a walk with him?
Su Yun was stunned, but quickly put on a cheerful act and replied.
“Sure. Thank you.”
“Mm.” Qin Xue nodded.
“Then wait here a bit. I’ll go upstairs and grab my stuff. Be right back.”
She turned, her elegant black hair flowing behind her. Her long legs wrapped in thigh-high socks stepped softly across the floor with a quiet tapping sound.
Su Yun stood where he was, leaning against the wall, looking up at the snow-white ceiling.
“Dreams really are nice.”
If only this dream would never end.
Wait, there were still his parents...
Forget it. After walking with this girl around the track, he’d pinch himself. Time to wake up.
Su Yun still believed—he was dreaming. A dream that just felt too real.
(End of Chapter)