Translator: Elisia
Editor/Proofreader: Wojo
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Memories that are repeated in everyday life are often hard to recall when you actually try to remember them.
For example, whether or not you tapped your transit card properly during your commute, or if you made the correct transfer…
Unless something unusual happens with those daily tasks, you end up doing them unconsciously over and over again.
Talking with friends is the same.
If you share an especially unique, funny, or interesting story, those memories might stay with you for a lifetime.
But those memories are always limited.
If they’re school friends, you’ll talk to them every day, as long as it’s not vacation, and ordinary daily conversations will mix in with the special ones.
Repeated conversations slowly get buried beneath other memories and gradually fade away.
…And, regrettably for Sara—
The memory now in front of me was one of those.
I couldn’t remember exactly when it happened.
Judging by the clothing, this memory seemed to be classified as very ‘recent’ in Sara’s recollection.
Though the Sara talking with me looked young and small, it must have been a recent memory where we had this kind of conversation.
A new memory formed in a space based on a recollection.
“Haa…”
Sara, lying on my lap, let out a deep sigh.
It was the kind of sigh that didn’t match her small, childish body, like a child imitating an adult’s sigh.
Cute.
It seemed that I thought the same back then.
As I ran my hand over the hair of the Sara lying on my lap,
“Why, is something bothering you?”
The voice of the ‘me’ asking the question had a hint of laughter in it.
“I just… I want to stay like this and sleep forever.”
“Technically, you’re not really sleeping, are you?”
“But I feel refreshed when I wake up.”
At my words, young Sara pouted her lips.
Suddenly, she turned her head to look up at ‘me’ and asked,
“Do you not like me being here?”
“…No. I like being here with you, too.”
“Really? Truly?”
Was it because she had a child’s body that her personality felt a bit younger, or was she just speaking as she always did but appeared younger because of her body?
Or maybe she just felt comfortable showing her honest side in front of me.
As if she wanted confirmation, Sara kept asking me over and over again.
“Really. Truly.”
When I responded with a smile, Sara beamed brightly.
“Really? You promise? You’ll stay with me forever?”
At Sara’s innocent expression,
“…Yeah.”
I answered with a smile.
I must have tried my best to respond that way.
…Since Sara and I had had this kind of conversation countless times, I couldn’t pinpoint exactly which memory this one was.
As I kept answering Sara, I thought she kept asking me these questions because she had spent such an anxious childhood with her stepmother.
Even if I answered her every time, from Sara’s perspective, it was natural not to trust my answers, considering the kind of stepmother she had.
…But.
“…I’m really bad at acting.”
But, that wasn’t it.
As I mumbled to myself, the smile I gave Sara looked extremely unstable.
It wasn’t a face about to burst into tears…
But it looked as if I hesitated greatly to give that answer, as if it pained me to say it, with my expression changing several times before giving Sara an awkward smile.
“Right. Well, I was never really good at acting anyway.”
I muttered bitterly. There was no one to hear it, though.
It wasn’t Sara’s surroundings that made her anxious.
It was me.
Even as I answered her, I lied to her almost every day.
And at the same time, I didn’t hide those lies well.
That’s why Sara kept asking me every day.
If I’d stay with her.
If I’d stay by her side forever.
…If I wouldn’t leave her and if I would protect her.
And, each time.
I couldn’t give Sara the certainty she needed.
“…”
But even so.
For Sara, her ‘most precious memory’ was these conversations with me.
I closed my eyes and focused again.
I hadn’t found Sara yet. I needed to find her. There were still things I hadn’t said to her.
*
Again and again.
The same memory repeated.
The young Sara met me and shared random, scattered stories.
Tales of what had happened at school that day.
Ordinary stories about days spent with friends.
Times when she was unnecessarily scolded by the school disciplinarian or when Team Leader Han Garam talked to her about stocks she didn’t care about.
She spoke about how clueless the teachers were today, how random students greeted her, and how she managed to remember a few of their faces.
There were no dark stories.
As if to reassure me, Sara always shared these bright stories with a smile.
There was no darkness in her smile.
And always, the conversation ended with Sara’s plea.
Don’t leave me.
Stay by my side.
Let’s stay together forever.
And I always answered that I would.
Always with a face that smiled sadly.
You fool.
As Sara kept talking to me, she wanted me to give her the right answer.
For me to sincerely say that I, too, wanted to stay with her.
She kept waiting for that.
But I never could.
…I was really awful.
Even as I berated myself over and over, I kept retracing Sara’s memories.
And finally, I entered a room.
Though I called it a ‘room,’ it wasn’t much different from the one I saw every day.
A room too large for one person to live in.
The room where Sara spent most of her childhood in solitude.
…The room where I met Sara every day.
Sitting in that room was the Sara who looked just like me.
She was curled up.
Sara sat on the bed, her face completely buried in her knees, so I couldn’t see her expression.
“…”
Was this Sara the one from her memories?
Or was this the Sara I had been looking for?
My heart raced.
I silently approached the Sara sitting there.
Sara didn’t say anything, even as I came closer.
She just hugged her knees tightly.
“Sara.”
“…”
There was no response.
Could it be that this Sara was also not the one I was looking for?
Was she just a part of Sara’s memory?
No, it didn’t seem like that.
The structure of the room was the same as the recent one I remembered.
There were two beds, and the coat rack So-hee used.
But there were no friends around.
If this were recent, Sara’s friends should have been here with her.
So, this was the place Sara created in her consciousness.
And the Sara sitting here was the one I had been searching for.
I sat down beside Sara.
The bed was as soft as I remembered.
Even though I sat next to her, Sara’s body didn’t lean toward me.
“…”
For a while, neither of us said anything.
I didn’t ask, “Are you okay?” because Sara couldn’t possibly be okay.
By the time I regained consciousness, Sara had already been kidnapped by Choi Na-kyung.
So, of course, she must have been terrified.
It had been terrifying even from my perspective, so for Sara, it must have been unimaginably scary.
Even though Sara didn’t speak for a long time, I waited patiently.
Because that was the only thing I could do for Sara right now.
“…I ruined everything.”
The first words that came out of Sara’s mouth after a long silence were those.
“Ruined? How?”
I asked as gently as I could.
“Because I didn’t know what that woman wanted. I judged things on my own, came to my own conclusions, and in the end, I was completely wrong. Everything turned out in a way completely different from what I thought.”
“…”
I pondered what to say to Sara for a long time, then carefully opened my mouth.
“No, in the end, everything turned out fine.”
“…Really?”
Sara asked back.
Her face lifted slightly.
She turned her face just a bit toward me, allowing me to see one of her eyes peeking out from between her knees.
But I still couldn’t see her expression clearly, so I didn’t know what kind of face she was making.
“Did it really all end safely?”
“…”
I couldn’t answer.
Because I hadn’t seen the end of it either.
The last thing I remembered was Yang Hye-in.
She had broken the car window, placed her hand on me, and told me I was safe.
Maybe the other friends had followed after that.
So, I could only guess that it had ended well.
Of course, if she asked for details, I wouldn’t be able to give a proper answer.
“…Sorry, honestly, I don’t know.”
In the end, I had no choice but to say that with a sigh.
“…”
Sara lowered her face back to her knees.
The small glimpse I had of her eyes was gone again.
“But I’m sure it ended well. There were people who came to rescue us.”
I said that, trying to comfort Sara, but for some reason, those words seemed to make her even more miserable.
Upon hearing my words, Sara hunched her shoulders and hugged her knees even tighter.
“…I see.”
I heard Sara’s small mutter.
“…”
Now, how should I speak to her next?