Chapter 374. Insomnia Smash Project (1)
The first half of the year passed by like the wind, and before I knew it, summer had begun, with dragonflies flitting outside the window.
We were spending our days tirelessly preparing for the comeback, just like always, engrossed in our work.
“Shall we put this aside for now?”
“Yeah, I think we should. I’ll try to develop it a bit more whenever I get the chance. It still doesn’t feel right. Even Siwoo hyung said it was tough when he tried.”
“Alright, let’s keep it for now.”
Lee Doha gulped down an iced coffee with frustration. The work wasn’t going well today, and my head was pounding too, so I chugged down my orange juice in one go. Joo Eunchan and Dan Haru, who had gone to the company for a lesson earlier, had brought it for me.
While Doha was saving our work, he suddenly spoke up as he watched me chomping away at the ice cubes after finishing my juice.
“Have you thought about it?”
“About what? You always start with the verb and leave out the subject.”
“Writing a song.”
If this guy had played baseball, the coach would’ve chewed him out. He always throws fastballs.
Once again, this direct, no-nonsense approach left me sitting in silence, gnawing on my ice cubes, and soon my teeth began to ache. Doha continued as if he’d been waiting for this moment.
“If it’s something you don’t want to do, I’m not going to force you. Music isn’t a homework assignment.”
“……”
“But if it’s because you don’t have the courage, then I just don’t get it.”
I stand corrected.
If this guy had played baseball, the coach would have loved him for always throwing 150 km/h fastballs.
Anyway, faced with the unrelenting interrogation of this blunt friend of mine, who hadn’t let up since the day we met, I finally slammed my empty cup down on the table with a loud clatter.
“Ugh, I don’t know, okay? I don’t know, you jerk! I have no idea!”
“What don’t you know?”
“…I don’t know what kind of song to write, and I don’t know if I even need to write one. My head hurts.”
“……”
“Do I really have to write a song myself? In this team, we’ve got a Beethoven who can wake up in the middle of the night and create a beat, and among our seniors, there’s a Mozart who can churn out songs just by picking a concept. So why do I, of all people, have to do it?”
“………”
“I mean, is it really such a problem if I just stay as I am? Throwing out ideas here and there, providing some material, helping with development, and leeching off royalties like a top-tier parasite on a free ride? Honestly, I’m pretty satisfied with that. Do I really have to give up this blissful life as a happy leech, only to embark on the grueling journey of not just driving the bus, but assembling it from scratch?”
“Hajin.”
“Yeah?”
“You want to do it, don’t you?”
A 150 km/h fastball once again slammed straight into my face, shutting me up. Doha looked at me with the same eyes he had the first time we were paired up for the monthly evaluation—eyes that said he already knew everything.
I grumbled, spinning my chair around in circles, pretending to be annoyed.
“…Yeah, I want to.”
“Then that’s enough.”
Doha nodded, seemingly satisfied, and shut his mouth. His demeanor made it clear that he wasn’t going to ask me any more questions, which somehow made me feel more regretful. I stopped spinning the chair.
“What? That’s it?”
“As long as you want to, that’s all that matters.”
“You’re more lenient than I expected.”
“Should I press you on it some more?”
“No, let’s talk about something else.”
“Alright, then.”
I quickly shook my head, afraid that Doha might start harping on the songwriting issue again. Seeing that, Doha immediately brought up the next topic, as if he’d been waiting for the cue.
“What are you going to do about Siwoo hyung?”
“…Man, you really have a knack for bringing up only the most uncomfortable topics.”
His uncanny ability to bring up the issues I had stuffed deep down in the corners of my mind was nothing short of impressive. Instead of clapping, I threw a cushion at him. He caught it effortlessly, like we were playing catch, which only made me more irritated.
Ignoring me, Doha calmly turned off all the equipment and spun his chair around to face me.
“Forget about Taehyun, but Siwoo hyung’s practically a ticking time bomb, isn’t he? Like, the moment someone presses the button, he’ll awaken.”
After the last trip to Jeju Island, unlike Lee Yugeon, who luckily managed to recruit a teammate and get his mental care system in place, Jung Siwoo was still stuck in the same place.
Even though I had temporarily blocked his memories of the past timeline by dumping everything into cash, it was just a stopgap measure. With even the smallest trigger, Jung Siwoo might once again witness his father’s death flooding back to him.
‘But still, recruiting a teammate isn’t something I can control….’
In reality, it was pure dumb luck that we managed to recruit Lee Yugeon this time.
And to make matters worse, Thirteen hadn’t shown any signs lately, making the situation even more frustrating.
[System administrator is currently absent….]
[For the time being, the system will be managed in Auto Mode.]
Since the amusement park incident, the system had returned to being the ‘cold and impersonal’ real system. It made me wonder if looking for a human touch from the system was ever a valid expectation. Still, the fact remained that this version was uncomfortable for me.
I closed the cold, blue system window that I had no affection for and responded to Lee Doha.
“Well, I’ve dealt with the biggest problem for now, so we’ll have to keep an eye on things for a bit. Seo Taehyun, who hasn’t awakened yet, doesn’t seem to show any signs either.”
“…Could Siwoo hyung’s condition lately have anything to do with this?”
“That hyung? Why, what’s up with him lately?”
“He’s been having trouble with recording. He says it’s just a matter of condition….”
At the mention of Jung Siwoo’s recent condition struggles, my senses sharpened. Knowing that he was as stubborn about overworking himself as I was made me pay closer attention to him.
I urged Lee Doha to elaborate, and he rubbed his stiff neck before explaining what he’d seen.
“You know how Siwoo hyung’s sleep pattern improved a lot recently, right?”
“Yeah. He’s been fine since last year when he briefly shared a room with the youngest members.”
“Yesterday, Taehyun said that Siwoo hyung’s been having nightmares again.”
“…Nightmares? Again?”
“Taehyun said he’s seen him get up in the middle of the night several times. Sometimes, Siwoo hyung even cries or groans in his sleep without realizing it.”
“…….”
“It could just be from stress, but… you know that his nightmares are also connected to his memories. Just to be safe.”
If Lee Doha’s nightmare was ‘a life without music,’ and Joo Eunchan’s nightmare was ‘a dark, lonely little room,’ then Jung Siwoo’s nightmare was ‘his father’s death.’
I tapped my fingers on the table, organizing my thoughts.
Dolja had been captured last, and the system didn’t have anything to say either, so it didn’t seem like this was a fantasy-related issue. Considering how Joo Eunchan had frequently visited the hospital due to his accident, maybe that was the trigger.
“……?”
Suddenly, a pebble of thought splashed into the pool of my mind. The rhythm of my fingers tapping on the table slowed.
“Hey, Doha.”
“Yeah?”
“Last year, when we did the 4th round guerrilla concert at Miro Maze, wasn’t it around this time?”
“Uh… it was earlier than this. Our final stage was in the first week of July, right?”
“I feel like Siwoo hyung was like this around this time last year too.”
I recalled Jung Siwoo from the time we were preparing for the 4th round mission. He had gone to the convenience store with me, only to stay up all night alone and bring back the draft for the mashup.
Back then, we weren’t particularly close, and I didn’t pay much attention to him. But in hindsight, even then, he wasn’t sleeping well.
No, it was more like he couldn’t sleep.
“Even during the bloody bathroom incident…”
That happened in the middle of the night too. The youngest trainees didn’t notice the time passing while they were playing, but Jung Siwoo had no reason to be awake at that hour. And considering he still had his toothbrush in his mouth, he was probably either up late doing something or simply couldn’t sleep.
Seeming to understand where I was going, Lee Doha, who had been recalling those memories with me, raised a question.
“And what about when you fought with him last year? That was in the fall.”
“There was a clear trigger for that. We had been living together since Miro Maze, and after debuting, he was stuck sharing a room with Seo Taehyun, who happens to sleep a lot in the mornings. Siwoo hyung had to watch him sleep all the time.”
“So you think the timing is affecting him?”
“I’m just guessing. You know how some people are really sensitive to seasons? I get a bit melancholic in the fall too.”
I shrugged my shoulders casually, indicating that it was just a light observation. Doha nodded thoughtfully, as if the idea made sense to him.
I was fiddling with a pen nearby, spinning it between my fingers, when suddenly Doha lifted his head with a flash of inspiration.
“Then, why don’t we ask?”
“Ask? Who? Siwoo hyung? Do you really think he’ll talk? From what I can tell, he’s not even aware that he’s struggling. When I talked to him last time, I realized he’s surprisingly clueless.”
“That’s exactly why we won’t go direct. I was thinking we could ask around first.”
“Hm….”
I caught the spinning pen in my hand again.
When you’re uncertain, asking for help from the people around you is usually the fastest way. I set the pen down on the table with a sharp tap.
“Alright, let’s do it.”
I stood up, ready to seek help from someone in Siwoo’s circle.
‘Just you wait, Jung Siwoo.’
This time, before the cow runs wild, I’ll make sure to lock the barn and remodel it for good!